


though my heart aches, tears and stops

by 119z, caprisungs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/119z/pseuds/119z, https://archiveofourown.org/users/caprisungs/pseuds/caprisungs
Summary: "have you talked to them?" taeil asks softly. his hand comes up to hair, running his fingers through the brown locks gently in a soothing manner."kind of," donghyuck shrugs beneath him. it seems like that's all he plans to say but it doesn't convince taeil enough to let it go. not yet. "jeno told mark about chenle," he continues when taeil urges him to talk. "and that i have another crush, too," donghyuck's voice wavers a little and taeil presses a kiss to the top of his head. "he just doesn't know who the other one is."“and i’m guessing the other one is...him?” taeil asks. donghyuck giggles almost bitterly. taeil takes that as a yes.





	though my heart aches, tears and stops

**Author's Note:**

> [me](https://twitter.com/jiiaes) and [cesca](https://twitter.com/iovjeno) started bullshitting a fic in our dms and this the result.
> 
> title is from your love... by astro

"chenle!" oh no. whenever they say his name that usually means bad news.  
  
"who was the official jaesung matchmaker?" it's renjun who asks, with the most murderous look in his eyes. chenle is doomed, done for. he didn't even get to say goodbye to kun.  
  
"uh," is all that comes out of his mouth.  
  
in that moment, by a stroke of luck, jeno enters the kitchen sleepily. he's shirtless despite them being in the middle of winter so renjun and donghyuck immediately divert their attention to fuss over him.  
  
chenle uses the opportunity to escape.  
  
jaemin and jisung, however, don’t get the luck chenle has.  
  
“ask jaemin hyung and jisung!” chenle says, ignoring the seething looks from the couple

renjun and donghyuck whip their heads towards the brunets, determination set in their eyes.

the dream dorm is in chaos, renjun and hyuck talking over each other, with jaemin and jisung trying to escape, only to have their arms linked with donghyuck and renjun’s. mark is trying to calm the younger’s down, chenle snuck out of the dorm, and jeno was calmly sipping a cup of coffee while scrolling through instagram, fortunately with a shirt on.

he lets out an "ohhh" when he sees a picture of a cute cat and he's so excited to show renjun that he ends up forgetting he was supposed to be pestering jaesung.  
  
donghyuck considers that as a win

donghyuck snorts at the way renjun melts into the topic of cats with jeno. “fuckin’ whipped.”  
  
jeno hums against his cup of coffe, taking a sip before saying "you are too," with such nonchalance that it's hard to believe he said that.  
  
donghyuck flushes red as the room is silent, save for the maddening smile on renjun’s lips, and the calm tapping of jeno’s thumbs on his phone screen.  
  
mark widens his eyes, hurt lining his irises. “whipped? for who?”  
  
jeno looks up from his cup, eyes flitting around to room. "well, one of them is chenle," he says after making sure chenle is nowhere close. he doesn't want to interfere with their relationship, wants donghyuck to make the first move. or mark. or chenle. or the three of them, as long as they work it out between themselves.  
  
mark's eyes soften considerably, the thought of donghyuck liking chenle doesn't crush his heart.

"wait." mark frowns, confused at jeno's choice of words. he had said /one of them/, which meant... "you like two people?"  
  
donghyuck nods sheepishly, eyes glaring at jeno. he can't believe he turned this on him.  
  
"the other one... renjun?" as soon as mark says it out loud, he realises how ridiculous it sounds, but he finds it a little funny how renjun chokes on his own spit, so he continues innocently. "you should've told me, donghyuck."  
  
donghyuck just wants for the earth to swallow him whole.  
  
donghyuck sighs exasperatedly. “mark, no.”  
  
renjun composes himself, yet is still a little pale as he agrees with donghyuck. “yeah. no. definitely no.”  
  
mark purses his lips, eyebrows furrowing. “jeno?”  
  
jeno’s coughing interrupts before mark could even finish. renjun is parting jeno’s back as the younger put the coffee down.  
  
mark scratches the back of his head genuinely confused, he has no idea who it could be  
  
he halts his movements, a sort of realization coming over his face as his gaze sets on donghyuck, state burning so intensely donghyuck fears that he knows and that he’ll hate him forever and-  
  
“oh my god, do you like jaemin or jisung?” 

nevermind.  
  
donghyuck just throws himself to the floor, totally embarrassed. jaemin and jisung aren't making it any easier with their giggling either.  
  
“is it over?”  
  
donghyuck lifts his head to see chenle peeking from the front door. jaemin and jisung continue snickering, renjun escapes to his room while jeno hides a knowing smirk from the rim of his cup.  
  
“you could say so,” jisung says, head hidden in the crook of jaemin’s neck, teasing grin targeted at the tanned boy on the floor.  
  
he narrowly misses a house slipper thrown to his face.

chenle takes a look at their faces, deciding not to comment on donghyuck staring at his hands mournfully while still kneeling on the floor.

he enters the house slowly, still careful just in case they're going to start attacking him again. he's not afraid to flee if anything were to happen. he shuffles to stand in front of donghyuck, who simply stares at his shoes. there's no expression on his face and chenle would be lying if he said it didn't creep him out just a little.  
  
“hyuck?” chenle asks, a little hesitant. donghyuck hums, and if chenle weren’t so weirded out by the silent boy, maybe he’d notice the flushed ears.  
  
chenle furrows his eyebrows and lifts his head to pout at the boys that remained in the room. “which one of you guys made hyuck hyung sad?” 

it takes everything in donghyuck's willpower not to scream. he needs to go outside, take some fresh air, maybe scream it out. he could use some time alone, or maybe some cuddles from taeil hyung. anything was better than this torture  
  
he takes a deep breath, counting to ten before slowly standing up. chenle is looking at him so brightly that donghyuck has to look away for a moment.  
  
"don't worry about it, lele," he tries his best to smile but he thinks it must come out more like a grimace. he doesn't have enough energy to care right now.  
  
chenle notices the grimace, and is hesitant when intertwining their fingers. “are you sure, hyuck?”  
  
“hyuck hyung,” jisung responds almost instantly.  
  
“shut up jisung,” chenle says, soft tone replaced with something sharper.

donghyuck's eyes are scary, chenle thinks. they hold no emotion except for a particular twinkle that chenle can't distinguish. he doesn't think it means anything good.

donghyuck hums in reply, letting go of chenle's fingers after giving them a reassuring squeeze. he doesn't want the younger worrying about him, though at this point it's almost unavoidable.  
  
“i’m meeting up with taeil hyung in 10,” donghyuck says, swallowing a little at the worried expression on chenle’s face. he itches to intertwine their fingers again. looking away, he locks gazes with mark, who’s ready to step in.  
  
“i’ll come with,” mark says. there’s a sort of determined twinkle in his eyes that leaves donghyuck’s mouth dry. 

donghyuck looks ready to argue, but he knows there's no point. mark can be stubborn when he wants to and nothing will stop him once he sets his mind on it.  
  
donghyuck shakes his head exasperatedly. he just wanted some time alone (not really alone since he'll be with taeil hyung, but he's always good company whenever donghyuck needs him), but it seems he's not going to get it. he doesn't even care anymore, he'll just hole himself up in taeil's room forever. 

“i’ll start getting ready,” donghyuck mumbles. he almost sprints to his room, locking it shut as he slides down to the floor. he almost misses the way jaemin smacks jeno’s shoulder for sharing donghyuck’s secret, but he can’t bring himself to care anymore. he takes his phone out, typing a message.

"hyung, are you home right now?" donghyuck texts taeil.

the older rarely goes out, but it's better safe than sorry. donghyuck doesn't want to spend any more time with mark than necessary and if he doesn't find taeil, he thinks he'll probably combust.  
  
taeil texts back almost immediately, "it depends, if you're just going to steal my cookies then i'm not home"

that makes donghyuck smile. "and if i need someone to cuddle?" he replies.  
  
"i think you might be obsessed with me, lee donghyuck" the boy giggles softly at taeil's message.  
  
he sees the three dots on the phone, and waits for his reply.  
  
“i’ll be there in 0 minutes” taeil sends. donghyuck sends a heart emoji before locking his phone.  
  
he gets a towel from the hanger before making his way to the washroom, unfortunately bumping into mark the moment he steps out of his room.  
  
"hey, donghyuck," mark starts as if nothing had happened. "when are we leaving?"  
  
"taeil is coming over," he mutters, making a beeline for the bathroom. he closes the door behind himself, not giving mark the chance to try and say anything else.  
  
mark is left dumbfounded and confused, staring at the closed door with apprehension  
  
he sees renjun come out of his room and asks about donghyuck’s behaviour. the younger bites his lip to keep a smirk in at the confused pout taking over the usually composed leader’s face.  
  
“you know, mark,” renjun says, ruffling mark’s hair despite the height difference. “for someone so smart, you could be so dumb.”  
  
he leaves the older gaping at him as he snickers, ignoring the way mark confusedly shouts back.  
  
donghyuck takes his sweet time in the shower, letting the warm water relax his muscles. he hears the unmistakable sound of his door opening and closing again and he half expects it to be taeil, but instead, he finds chenle fiddling with one of his stuffed animals, sitting in his bed.  
  
the younger looks up before donghyuck can leave the room again, patting the space next to him with a small pout. donghyuck wants to kiss him.  
  
“hyung,” chenle says, he’s sitting up straight with a serious expression on his face, brows furrowed and lips formed into a small pout. “we need to talk.”  
  
donghyuck considers pecking his lips and running away right after, but he refrains himself from committing any acts that might put at risk any part of his face, swallowing down the urge to flee the room. he sits down next to chenle, waiting for the younger to speak.  
  
"are you okay?" chenle asks worriedly.  
  
"i thought i told you not to worry about me," is what donghyuck says.  
  
chenle smiles sadly. donghyuck digs his nails into his arm.  
  
“you know i can’t do that, hyuck.”  
  
donghyuck holds his breath. he bites his lip hard enough that he swears he could feel the skin break. 

“you’re making this so hard, lele,” donghyuck murmurs. he’s looking down, refusing to look at chenle’s expression.  
  
donghyuck hears the sound of taeil's voice coming from the hallway and immediately perks up. he goes to stand up and look for him, but chenle's hand stops him.  
  
he looks back at him and then at the hand wrapped around his shirt, tugging him.  
  
"promise me you'll talk to me if you're not feeling well," chenle pleads. donghyuck wishes he could make that promise, but he doesn't want to burden chenle. especially when his problems are due to him.  
  
he removes chenle's hand from his sweater, staring at it for a moment before letting it fall. he leaves the room without saying anything.  
  
he sees taeil in the living room, his short, brown hair and bright smile peeking through the countless of bodies strewn on him.  
  
taeil notices the tanned boy by the hallway and brightens immeasurably, though sims at the sight of donghyuck’s grimace.

taeil allows donghyuck to sit in his lap. the boy picks up a brownie and holds it to taeil's mouth, who rolls his eyes. he opens his mouth anyways, biting the treat and humming happily at the taste of it.  
  
"you're supposed to be the baby here, you know," taeil teases.  
  
“that’s hard if the baby’s taller than you,” donghyuck replies, mood brightening at the betrayal drawn on taeil’s face. 

the members (except chenle and mark, who fortunately weren’t in the room) whoop in protest, making taeil whine and donghyuck giggle.  
  
donghyuck presses a kiss to taeil's cheek to make up for it and all is well again. they watch a movie together and eventually jisung and jaemin join too.  
  
during those two hours, donghyuck masters the way of pinching taeil's cheek and taking it back before the older has time to swat it. taeil ends up holding donghyuck's hands but it proves to be ineffective when donghyuck leans down nibble his cheeks instead.  
  
eventually, mark and chenle join the group in the living room, the two plopping down on a love-seat across donghyuck and taeil.  
  
donghyuck tenses in taeil’s arms, causing the older to look at the sun-kissed boy, silently asking if everything was okay. 

he nods, smile seeming more like a grimace, and convinces a still worried taeil to continue watching the movie.  
  
his gaze flitters to the two across. chenle sits on mark’s lap, despite the decent space on the seat. his head is nestled against the crook of the older’s neck, plays with the fingers wrapped around his waist. mark doesn’t mind the way chenle intertwines their fingers, only hugging the younger tighter as if it was a natural occurrence. 

donghyuck can’t help but feel a sense of domesticated longing as he smiles, his gaze falling to his own empty hands.  
  
taeil notices, of course. he gives donghyuck a small smile as he holds his hand. donghyuck feels a bit better, he appreciates taeil's efforts, though he wishes he was holding someone else's  
  
eventually, donghyuck can't handle it anymore, he hears chenle laughing over something mark told him and it's like something breaks inside him. he stands up from taeil's lap, tugging his hand to guide them to his own room before the tears start to fall. taeil sighs sadly, guiding donghyuck to his bed so they can cuddle.  
  
he lets donghyuck cry in his chest, running his hands through his hair, down his spine trying to calm him down.´  
  
“hyuck,” taeil mumbles, slipping a hand underneath his shirt to trace donghyuck’s spine, knowing it calms him down.  
  
he was right, and eventually, donghyuck’s breathing is steady and the grip on taeil’s shirt loosens.

“tell me what’s wrong,” taeil whispers. donghyuck’s head shakes from underneath taeil’s chin.  
  
“it’s stupid. it’s not your problem.” donghyuck says, voice raspy and voice almost catching in the end.  
  
“don’t say that hyuckie,” taeil pulls him closer. “if it makes you sad then, of course, it’ll be my problem.”  
  
donghyuck lets out a shaky breath, and a few tears slip as he blinks. “fuck, hyung.”  
  
taeil hums, continuing to trace his spine, drawing little shapes onto the skin. “take your time, hyuck.”  
  
donghyuck’s voice catches as he speaks, and taeil’s stomach curls at the words that fall from donghyuck’s mouth spoken with such heartbreak. “i think i’m in love.”

taeil's mouth curls downwards, hurting for donghyuck. it's obvious in how much pain the younger boy is and it's not something that should be growing inside his heart yet, he's only eighteen, too young to be suffering like that.  
  
"have you talked to them?" taeil asks softly. his hand comes up to hair, running his fingers through the brown locks gently in a soothing manner.  
  
"kind of," donghyuck shrugs beneath him. it seems like that's all he plans to say but it doesn't convince taeil enough to let it go. not yet. "jeno told mark about chenle," he continues when taeil urges him to talk. "and that i have another crush, too," donghyuck's voice wavers a little and taeil presses a kiss to the top of his head. "he just doesn't know who the other one is."  
  
“and i’m guessing the other one is...him?” taeil asks. donghyuck giggles almost bitterly. taeil takes that as a yes.  
  
it’s silent for a moment before donghyuck whispers, “hyung, what do i do?” 

"i don't know, hyuck," taeil stays silent for a moment making donghyuck look up at him curiously. "why don't you stay with me for a few weeks?"  
  
donghyuck smiles at the invitation, taeil never lets him stay more than two nights in a row at his apartment.  
  
"what about sicheng hyung?" donghyuck wonders. he doesn't want to be a burden to taeil's roommate slash kind of boyfriend (they had a complicated relationship and to this day, donghyuck still wasn’t sure what they were).  
  
"as long as you don't try to kiss him, he'll love you," taeil laughs at the miserableness in donghyuck's face caused by his words. it's no secret he loves being affectionate.  
  
"and you should probably tell mark i'm not your crush either," taeil shudders at the thought and donghyuck gasps in mock offence.  
  
the younger puts on his best puppy eyes, pouting up at taeil. "and what if you are?"  
  
taeil wiggles his eyebrows. “then i guess i’ll have to tell sicheng some bad news.”  
  
donghyuck giggles, pushing him away. “hyung, i hate you.” he wiggles back in taeil’s arms, laughter dissipating.  
  
“love you too, hyuck,” taeil hums. “so what do you say? do you want to stay with me for a few weeks?”  
  
donghyuck can’t help but hesitate. sure, it’d help think about his feelings for the two boys, but he would miss the dorm and the people who occupied it. he yawns, eyes dropping. “can i think about it?”  
  
taeil nods. “of course, bub.” he continues to run his fingers through donghyuck’s brown locks. “you sleepy?”  
  
donghyuck shakes his head. he wants to talk to taeil more, but the lids of his eyes are becoming heavier and taeil’s arms are warm and comforting.  
  
taeil giggles. “go to sleep, love, i’ll be here when you wake up.”  
  
donghyuck opens his mouth to protest but decides against it. he nods timidly before drifting off to sleep.  
  
"you can stop eavesdropping now, jaemin," taeil announces, wiping the tears that run down donghyuck's cheeks.  
  
“i was _not_ eavesdropping, how dare you,” jaemin huffs from behind the door. “i was simply making my way to sungie and i’s room and thought that donghyuck’s doorknob needed some polishing.”  
  
he opens the door, brunet hair peeking in. despite the brightness of his tone earlier, the expression on his face is worried and grim. “speaking of... is he okay?” 

taeil hums softly, holding donghyuck tighter to himself. "he's not doing well, nana,"  
  
jaemin closes the door behind him, arms behind his back as he grips the doorknob tightly.  
  
"i'm sorry," he mumbles, staring down at the tips of his shoes.  
  
"i'm sure you did nothing wrong," taeil tries to reason.  
  
"no, i- i didn't stop jeno, i was there and i thought it was funny and i'm sorry i'm a bad friend," jaemin breathes out. he feels guilty even though he knows he couldn't have known it would have affected donghyuck like this.  
  
"you're worried about him, jaem, you recognise your mistake and you feel genuinely sorry for what you did even if you weren't the main cause of all of this," taeil speaks softly. he's still looking at donghyuck affectionately and jaemin wonders if that's what he looks like when he looks at his friends. "i think that makes you a great friend, nana."  
  
jaemin smiles, nodding, albeit a bit hesitantly, as his gaze falls on donghyuck’s sleeping figure. “is he leaving?” he asks, trying not to let sadness seep into the words.  
  
taeil bites his lip as he combs through donghyuck’s hair. “it’s up to him. but if i was in the situation, i would. wouldn’t you?”

jaemin looks down. he would.  
  
“right now, though, he just needs some comfort. he must be confused with his feelings, not knowing if mark and chenle loved him back.”  
  
jaemin nods understandingly, nibbling on his bottom lip. “but chenle and mark do. it’s obvious, hyung.”  
  
"jaemin, did you ever notice jisung was in love with you?" taeil questions him. he smiles when jaemin shakes his head. "donghyuck is witty and observant but not everyone realises someone loves them even though it's obvious to others"  
  
jaemin sighs, about to protest, when really, this is good for donghyuck, being able to think of his feelings for a few weeks. he pushes down the selfish urges and nods. “yeah... yeah,” he mumbles, toeing the carpeted floor. “it’s just, christmas is coming and its winter break and it’ll be... weird without hyuck.” 

jaemin is scraping the barrel for excuses, not wanting donghyuck to leave, not wanting their friendship to fray over something like this.

"i'm sure you could come over during christmas," taeil smiles placatingly. jaemin wonders, if everything taeil does, is gentle and soft, as if the older man is incapable of having negative feelings. "and it's all up to hyuck if he wants to stay with us or not, nana," only then does taeil look at him and jaemin can see the tiredness in his eyes. surely this is taking a toll on him. "nothing's set in stone yet."

“i just.. i just hope it'll all end well,” jaemin mumbles. his teeth split the skin of his bottom lift from biting too hard, and he could taste the metal on his tongue. “i don’t want anything to change.”  
  
taeil, despite looking so tired, still manages to smile reassuringly. “sometimes you can’t escape change.” jaemin looks down, swallowing when taeil speaks again. his voice is soft and distant as if taeil was speaking to the sleeping boy rather than jaemin. “..but sometimes... that can be a good thing.”

jaemin nods at the words, eyes taking in donghyuck's sleeping form before he looks back at taeil. "you should sleep too, hyung," jaemin has every right to be concerned and he knows donghyuck will be too once his head clears, taeil seems to not have slept for days now.  
  
taeil gives him a small smile, appreciative. "thanks, nana, i will."

as soon as the door is closed behind jaemin's retreating form, does taeil allow himself to relax. he adjusts donghyuck's sleeping body hiking him up further until donghyuck is resting on the crook of his neck. taeil swallows harshly, closing his eyes to avoid the tears from falling.  
  
knowing that the younger was hurting for so long pained the older. he tightened his grip around donghyuck’s waist as if that would protect him from the heartbreak he was feeling right now. peering down on the brunet, taeil sighs at the calmness that replaced the tears on donghyuck’s face. he reaches a thumb to trace the younger’s cheekbone.  
  
a knock on the door gets the older’s attention, quickly wiping away the tears he hadn’t realized had fallen. 

chenle opens the door slowly, peeking his head in timidly. he shoots taeil a small smile, the most he can muster right now before his eyes fall on donghyuck's sleeping form. taeil doesn't fail to notice the fondness in his gaze, but there's also a poorly hidden sadness in them.  
  
"sorry, hyung, i'll let him sleep," chenle murmurs.  
  
taeil considers letting chenle leave, but then he hears a mumbled voice behind the younger. “is he okay, lele?”  
  
taeil can’t help but smile.

"actually, would you mind staying with him for a bit? i need to make a phone call and i don't wanna bother him," taeil watches in amusement as chenle's eyes widen.  
  
"are you sure?" chenle blinks uncertainly. he's not too sure what he'll do if donghyuck wakes up. he'll probably panic and blurt out something stupid that would make donghyuck sadder and he doesn't want that, but taeil seems pretty confident in this.

“yeah, it’s okay if mark wants to watch him, too, by the way.” taeil raises an eyebrow in amusement. chenle’s eyes widen comically as he hears a noise behind the door.  
  
it’s silent for a moment before mark’s head peeks in, too. “are you sure sure _?_ would donghyuck want us instead of you?” there’s uncertainty seeping into his words, and taeil can’t help but bite his lip at a fond smile.  
  
he looks down at the sleeping boy and subconsciously nods. donghyuck wouldn’t mind if taeil broke this promise. he turns to the boys by the door and nods, already untangling himself. “i’m sure.” 

taeil ducks down to press a kiss to donghyuck's temple. "sorry, love," he whispers against donghyuck's skin. he can handle it if donghyuck decides he hates him later on (not really, but taeil is used to heartbreak already) if it means he'll reconcile with his friends.  
  
he slips out of the room ignoring chenle and mark's concerned eyes, urging the boys to step in. he smiles at them as they make their way to donghyuck's bed and chenle immediately latches onto him.  
  
mark is more hesitant when climbing onto the bed. whilst chenle is by donghyuck’s left side, mark decides to lay facing donghyuck’s back, feeling a little awkward as his arms stay by his sides.

chenle notices mark awkwardness and gently moves donghyuck so he's laying on his back. he freezes when donghyuck opens his eyes blearily, scrambling to sit up in the bed nervously, wringing his hands in his lap.

"hyung?" donghyuck mumbles, voice groggy with sleep.  
  
“hyuck,” mark says, eyes widening as he pulls donghyuck back. in his state of panic, he pulls donghyuck close to his chest, rubbing his back in a soothing manner. “go back to sleep, love.”

chenle smiles at the nickname that slipped from mark’s lips, shoulder’s loosening from the tense posture to lay back next to hyuck, his chest facing donghyuck’s back.  
  
"taeil?" donghyuck questions mid-yawn. he's too sleepy to put up a fight right now.  
  
"he went to make a phone call," chenle says, resisting the urge to cuddle up to donghyuck. "do you want me to call him?" 

he's met with silence. donghyuck had fallen asleep again.

chenle bites his lip as he fights a smile. his heart is fluttering and he knows why, but he doesn’t want to think about that, not right now, not when donghyuck hasn’t pushed him away for once. he looks at mark, who’s eyes are glittering as he looks down at donghyuck.  
  
mark’s heart feels full, and he doesn’t know why, but as he sees chenle tuck himself in underneath the comforter, and feel the steady breathing of donghyuck on his collarbone, he can’t bring himself to care at the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/jiiaes) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Iena)


End file.
